A few days ago, I watched a semi-fictional movie about Steve Jobs. I had no idea that God would use two lines from a scene in that movie to uproot the many entrepreneurial-related insecurities I’ve wrestled on and off with for the last six years.
In this particular scene, Jobs’ former business partner, Wozniak, approaches Steve Jobs frustrated that Jobs’ refuses to credit the team that helped him in his early, entrepreneurial days:
Wozniak: You can’t write code, you’re not an engineer, you’re not a designer, you can’t put a hammer to a nail . . . What do you do?
Jobs: I play the orchestra. And you’re a good musician. . .
The musicians play their instruments. Jobs plays the orchestra. While the intention of the seen was likely to highlight both his arrogance and brilliance, my mind was blown after I heard these words. Jobs was a visionary but he wasn’t an expert in every single facet of his business. He had a knack for finding extremely talented people and putting them together to formulate an incredible product.
In the last six years that we’ve owned and operated our magazine, I’ve had a Wozniak-type voice reminding me of my lack of formal training: “You never went to design school. You don’t have a Bible degree. You don’t know much about business. What do you even know? Maybe you are the one holding Deeply Rooted back from its full potential.”
You see, I never finished college. I have no background in publishing and everything that I’ve created through Deeply Rooted has been a lot of Google searches, asking others, and studying what other people have done. I wear a lot of hats as a photographer, writer, content creator, team manager, and so forth. I’ve felt a whole lot of pressure to improve myself in every single one of these areas. I’ve prayed about whether or not I should go back to school. I’ve wondered if I should hand all of this off to someone else. I’ve examined our numbers, compared our growth to similar ministries that launched when we did, and have battled feelings of always falling short. I’ve danced between the highs and lows. I get into my own head a lot. Sometimes I’m obsessed. Sometimes I’ve over it all. (Praise God for my husband and wise friends who are iron-sharpen-iron encouragers!)
I write content and design out social media graphics and step out into new areas, sometimes with fear that experts in these fields will look at Deeply Rooted and see through it, noticing all its flaws and imperfections. Francis Schaeffer once said, “If you demand perfection or nothing, you will always end up with nothing.” In many instances, fear of failure or standards of perfection have resulted in nothing. In other instances, I’ve seen God use what we’ve offered to Him, imperfect as it is, and make much of it.
I’ve had to rehearse truths about God to myself over and over again and ask God to help me really believe that even in my business weaknesses, His grace is sufficient and His power is displayed through it. Besides, Scripture is filled with unqualified people called to unimaginable tasks. Lots of men and women didn’t have a polished resume or confidence in their ability to the task before them. And honestly, that has been what has kept me humble. I can only say that we’ve made it to year six and are about to print Issue 15, not just because of the supportive team members we’ve worked with over the years, but because He alone sustains it. I may not be an expert in all the areas I want to be an expert in, but He has brought me some of the most generous, talented brothers and sisters in Christ—an orchestra of sorts—who believe in our mission. The designers and copy editors and Biblical content reviewers and artists are servant-hearted givers who play their “instruments” better than I could and as I manage the magazine, I “play” them. This movie taught me that curating and managing and bring people together with a vision is also a talent. I know the end goal that I desire for our magazine but I don’t understand all the workings of how we get there, and that is okay! What a display of the Church body working together in unity, co-laboring alongside one another so the Gospel may be proclaimed and God may be glorified. And if we are sticking to this analogy than, really, God is the ultimate Conductor; He is divinely orchestrating every aspect of my life and this magazine.
The Lord has used many people, places, events, and, most of all, His Word to help me in this struggle. But I must also praise Him for using a secular, semi-fictional movie to help me apply Biblical truth to my own situation. . . .to uproot the insecurity and the fear and the unrealistic standards that I’ve battled with for many years. I don’t have to do it all or be it all. I just need to walk in obedience daily, rely wholly on Him, and trust that He will equip me to walk the path He has called me to.
Lord, help me to remember this.
We are in the final stages of publishing our next print issue! I’m currently reviewing our printed proof and by mid-June, our Subscribers will have Issue 15 in hand. If you’re not already a subscriber, click here to become one!
