Finding Comfort in Loss: Reflecting on Life and Death in Memory of My Grandma

“I told you why she married me, didn’t I?”

my Grandpa asked while tinkering with a brass hinge in his garage. I couldn’t recall the reason and even if I did remember I would still want to hear it again.

He smiled and simply stated, “‘57 T-Bird.”

It’s been years since I last stepped into my grandparents home, and while my grandma’s passing was never the reason I wanted to return, I was comforted to see that their home, in many respects, was very much how I remembered it to be. The entrance is still filled with books representing different eras and the many skills my grandparents possess, like photography, music, math, mechanics, and computer science. Sitting atop the kitchen counter was the same, worn tupperware containing our family favorite: grandpa’s oatmeal cookies. And then there are all the practical ways my grandpa has retrofitted their house, reusing and recycling objects in ways that display their simplicity and his engineering mind. While revisiting their home flooded my mind with memories of her, both in my childhood and college years, packing away her possessions cemented the reality that she has passed from this life into the next.

We know that death is one of the few guarantees in life. Every one of us will come to recognize that our life is a vapor that is here today but vanishes tomorrow (James 4:14). What happens after death is dependent on whether or not we come to a saving knowledge of Christ or not. I’m so thankful that I can say that my grandmother trusted in Jesus Christ as her Lord and personal Savior. She faced a number of health issues the last few years but could say with Paul that "we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16).

The older I get, the more I see the reality of death increase. Ecclesiastes reminds us that one generation comes and another one goes (1:4). Our family suffered the loss of my cousin not that long ago. Even that very week, as we gathered to remember my grandma, my mom also received the news that my uncle in the Philippines passed away. What can possibly anchor our soul amidst the tumultuous waves that come with death? I shared with a friend today that all I can do is look to my heavenly Father and trust in His word, character, and promises. Without my faith, I would be without hope and without peace. While there certainly needs to be a time to mourn, we don’t live as those without hope (1 Thess. 1:14).

One of Ethan and my favorite quotes is by missionary Henry Martyn (1781–1812), reminding us that we have but one purpose here on Earth: to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. He once said:

I have rightfully no other business each day but to do God's work as a servant, constantly regarding His pleasure. May I have grace to live above every human motive, simply with God and to God. If [God] has work for me to do, I cannot die.

Christians are God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good work (Ephesians 2:10). We don’t know how long the Lord will allow us to walk this earth, but like Mr. Martyn said, we will remain here as long as God has work for us to do. It doesn’t matter how young or old we are; God still has work for you and me to do. He’s revealed the good work we are to do: love Him wholeheartedly, read and meditate on His Word, be fervent in prayer, share the Gospel, make disciples, teach the coming generations, gather with the Church Body, use our spiritual gifts in a local church, and so much more! Rather than squandering our God-given time, we ought to leverage every ounce of breath, energy, and time God has given us to walk worthy of our calling. 

Do I miss my grandma? Yes. Are there ways I could’ve been a granddaughter? Most definitely. But I am hopeful that I will see her again someday soon. Until then, I’m reminded to continue running the race God has set before me. 

We sang this hymn at church today, and I think it’s fitting to close this entry with these words. They are a reminder of the simple message of the gospel. We bring nothing into this world and take nothing from us. All we have to cling to is the person and work of Jesus Christ alone.

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy riverside, which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure,
Save me from its guilt and power.

Not the labor of my hands
Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;
Could my zeal no respite know,
Could my tears forever flow,
All could never sin erase,
Thou must save, and save by grace.

Nothing in my hands I bring,
Simply to Thy cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress,
Helpless, look to Thee for grace:
Foul, I to the fountain fly,
Wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath,
When mine eyes shall close in death,
When I soar to worlds unknown,
See Thee on Thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee. 

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The Stewart Family, 2024

Book Review: “Women’s Ministry in the Local Church” by J. Ligon Duncan and Susan Hunt

When God called Ethan into full-time ministry, my focus, desires, and calling also shifted from para-church ministry to the local church. I knew pastoral ministry is weighty and would require our family to be all in on this new mission. Prayerfully and thoughtfully considering women’s ministry at 5 Bridges Church is one way that I’ve been able to come alongside my husband. Thankfully, over the last ten years, God allowed me to serve in women’s ministry both in local churches across the US and continuously through Deeply Rooted Magazine (our former parachurch ministry). Every good and bad experience up to this point has helped shape our philosophy of ministry for women in the local church.

We knew a lot of what we didn’t want. We wanted to avoid operating a ministry that is:

• Lacking Biblical Precedence

• Event-driven

• Consumeristic

• Watered down

• Personality-driven

• Me-focused

• Burdensome to the pastors, church, and volunteers

Rather, we desire a ministry that is:

• Scripturally-supported

• Quality-focused rather than quantity-focused

• Kingdom-oriented

• Scripturally-sound

• God honoring

• Sustainable in the long term

I picked up a copy of “Women’s Ministry in the Local Church” by J. Ligon Duncan and Susan Hunt last summer, and after reading a few chapters, I knew this was a book I wanted the other elder’s wives at our church to read through together. Our group of older and younger women recently finished the book, and I decided to write an honest book review to share what I loved and learned.

Overall, this has been an amazing encouragement to read, as I’ve definitely faced an increasing amount of discouragement in seeing the trajectory of many women’s ministries today. I’m grateful for the advice given from both a pastoral perspective and from a woman who has faithfully served other women and submitted to the elders at her church for decades. It is worth mentioning that this is written by two authors so there is some repetitiveness in the chapters and I also will point out that the authors are Presbyterian (I am a reformed Baptist) so whiles some of our theology overlaps, covenant theology is a theme throughout the book. That said, I definitely recommend this book to any Christian woman who is looking to start her own local church ministry or is currently serving in one.

LASTING FOUNDATIONS

The book is broken down into two parts: an introduction that explains the story, the need, and the motive for women’s ministry. The second part of the book is the apologetic, or rationale, for why we need women’s ministry in the local church. I really appreciate that each of their reasons has Biblical support explaining their why. The reality for any church ministry is that there need to be clearly defined reasons for why the ministry is in existence and how it supports the local church as a whole. When churches don’t have a clearly defined mission, they might start new programs just to fill a time slot or to please people, all the while creating siloed ministries that compete with the church as a whole.

The foundations for women’s ministry as outlined in this book are:

• Submission (to the pastor and elders): 1 Timothy 2:9–15

• Compassion: 1 Timothy 3:11

• Community: 1 Timothy 5

• Discipleship: Titus 2

• Scripture: 2 Timothy 3:1–17

BIBLICAL OVERSIGHT

I greatly appreciate that this book takes a complementarian stance on Scripture, and I love that they include the Danver’s statement in the appendix of their book. The authors give a clear explanation for how the created order affects women’s roles within the church, which ultimately leads to how one operates their women’s ministry. They write:

Will the church conform her values to the prevailing cultural mores and norms, or will we impact and influence and shape our culture? ... Is our pattern in the church going to be to do a hermeneutical twist whenever we come to an issue where the Bible’s teaching makes us culturally uncomfortable, or are we going to let the lion loose, let God be God, and let His Word speak and rule in our lives? So, fundamentally, this is a scriptural authority issue. Just think how women’s ministry has the capacity of dealing with that in a unique way (page 132).

In other words, when we don’t get women’s roles right, we will not get women’s ministry right. They call the complementarian vs. egalitarian issue a “watershed moment” (p. 78), arguing that one’s view will determine “whether we have an integrative or independent ministry. The corporate application of this passage is that a women’s ministry should be under the authority and oversight of the elders in the church.”

Sadly, there are many churches who are complementarian in name and whose leadership might say they have oversight, but in all actuality are hands-off, only reviewing on a surface level but not actually sitting through meetings, studies, or reading the books women are studying, recommending, and passing around to one another. Rather than viewing a pastor’s cautious oversight as a lack of trust in the women’s ministry team, we should view this through the lens of the pastor’s shepherding heart, knowing that he is the one who God will hold accountable to fulfill the job of shepherd, watchman, and protector of the flock. Women ought to see their pastor’s active involvement in their women’s ministry as a sign of their shepherd love and care for them.

WOMEN’S MINISTRY STARTS IN HER HOME

Another thing I like about this book is the emphasis on the Titus 2 community. So often, women’s ministry can become programmatic, but Titus 2 relationships are forged in the everyday spheres of life, coupled with opportunities to use our spiritual gifts in service to the church. The authors remind women that:

"domestic duties are not a hindrance to sanctification; they are essentials of the common life. The family is a context in which to develop godly character that will qualify women for service beyond hearth and home.”

Prominent Christian women today may be effective communicators with some bible knowledge, but I would be curious how many, in their frequent serving those outside their home and through their phone screens, neglect their role to be helpers to their husbands, trainers of their children, and keepers of their home? They may give an appearance of godliness but their actions deny the very message they promote. I don’t write this in judgment but rather out of a desire to encourage and challenge Christian women to spend all her energy building a kingdom outside her home while tearing down her own home in the process (Proverbs 14:1). The authors wisely remind us that “it is obedience in the common duties of family life that will prepare her to one day tell women that God created us to be helpers and redeemed us to be life-givers in every situation and relationship, in every time, place, and culture.” This is a message that Christian women, myself included, need to be reminded of again and again.

ADDRESSING WEAK WOMEN

One of my favorite chapters (no. 9) addresses the topic of weak women as found in 2 Timothy 3:6-7:

For among them are those who enter into households and take captive weak women weighed down with sins, being led on by various desires, always learning and never able to come to the full knowledge of the truth.

I believe we have a severe “weak women” problem in our society today (2 Timothy 3:6-7). The influence of false teachers pervade Christian media and have crept into our churches, social media feeds, and books. While our society might label her a “strong woman” because she is self-aware, self-reliant, and does what is right in her own eyes, the Bible defines her as weak.

The authors write:

“One wonders about the sins that burdened these women and led them astray. It seems obvious that they were not functioning under ecclesiastical authority. It is unlikely that they were spending their time in ministries of covenantal compassion. Their doctrine of community was faulty because they were willing to follow divisive teachers. They apparently were not involved in discipleship relationships with godly women who would guide them to maturity. Their lives were already inconsistent with the principles of biblical womanhood, so their propensity was to follow the false rather than the true. These women were lovers of self and not lovers of God; so they were life-takers and not life-givers. Once immature women are captured by unsound doctrine, they begin a never-ending, self-indulgent quest for knowledge.”

Sadly, there are too many weak women trapped in this pattern of living. Their rejection of sound teaching and preaching sends them chasing after false teachers and messages that fit her desired narrative. The result of bad theology is bad fruit and it’s no wonder these women are plagued with all kinds of sin, anxiety, and addictions. (To be clear, just because you battle with depression or anxiety doesn’t necessitate that you are a Biblically-defined weak woman, but a Biblically defined weak woman is guaranteed to become “burdened” with many sins to include the above sins.)

The weak woman is not the only one to blame, but the pastors who fail to preach the full counsel of God’s Word and fail to hold the women in their church accountable. When a pastor neglects his role to feed the flock, what follows are spiritually anemic women’s ministries which create spiritually anemic Christian women. The homes of these weak women (and their weak husbands) become petri dishes for all kinds of sin to multiply and Satan loves nothing more than to destroy whole families from within. Pastors, churches and women’s ministries must do better. We have a unique opportunity through women’s ministry to equip women with the discernment they need to combat this growing epidemic.

Conclusion

We need more solid women’s ministries that will challenge women to walk worthy of their calling. While I’ve seen some bad ones, I have witnessed some healthy ones too. Ours is still in the infant stages, but thanks to the elders and their wives, we have a clear mission to guide us as we grow. This book has helped challenge and motivate me to pursue a healthy women’s ministry that encourages, equips, and mobilizes the women at 5 Bridges Church. While these are just a few topics addressed, and there is still so much more I can say on this topic, I challenge you to reframe your mind about the purpose of women’s ministry. And if you’re involved with women’s ministry at any level, I wholeheartedly recommend this book as a great place to start as you navigate the need for a healthy women’s ministry in your local church.

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There are affiliate links used in this post where I earn a small commission on each sale. However, even if I didn’t use an affiliate link I would still support and share about this book.

Jesus: The Solution to All Resolutions

The New Year holiday has become a time of hopeful expectancy. Some find joy in a new, crisp and clean planner hoping to be more productive and fruitful than ever. Some view the new year as an opportunity to start over and erase any ugly memories from the year prior. Of course, there are also the realists who recognize that a date change doesn’t wipe a slate clean; they enter into January 2023 with the knowledge that December 2022’s baggage has come along with them. But no matter what camp one may resonate with, most people desire to be better and to do better. This leads us to form a variety of goals and resolutions.

There are few disciplined enough to follow through on some of their resolutions for all 365 days, but for the rest of us humans, we will likely reach a point where we fall short of our own standards. Our self-discipline declines, our patience tested, and our hearts grow restless and weary. Once more, we may find ourselves frustrated that we are stuck in the same old patterns that enslaved us in years prior. Do you long to be a “better” woman? wife? mom? Homemaker? student? worker? local church member? Do you long to see lasting, inward transformation? We need more than man-made resolutions to hold us accountable; we need supernatural sanctification. The answer to our problem is simple: Jesus.

Trust in Jesus

Why do we desire to want to do better and be better? It’s because we know we are broken and we want to fix ourselves. The message of the Gospel is like a sledgehammer to the chest confronting us with the reality that we are separated from a Holy God. It tells us that “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one” (Romans 3:10-12). On top of that, we cannot earn right-standing with God. Our attempted “good deeds'' fall short of His standard and no rule, law, or resolution can cure our total depravity. But the Gospel also tells us that God through the person of Jesus took on flesh, faced every temptation we’ve ever faced yet did not sin, and fulfilled the law perfectly. He died the death that we deserve and paid the penalty for our sins. If we repent and believe in Him, we are united to Jesus in His life, death, burial, and resurrection, thereby breaking us from the curse of sin and death! We now have a righteous standing before God because His righteousness was imputed to us.

The Gospel is the greatest reminder we can cling to during this time of year. This gift of salvation declares us instantaneously righteous! We are now new creations in Christ. We are sealed with the Holy Spirit and our hearts of stone are exchanged for a heart of flesh. Holy living is now made possible.

Abide in Jesus

The world attempts to emulate many of the fruits of the Spirit, purporting that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and so forth are attainable if we just try harder, plan better, or remove ourselves from the negative situations that trigger us. But Paul offers a lasting solution. He tells the Philippian Church that the secret in the high’s and low’s is Christ who gives Him strength (Phippians 4:12-13). The secret is that joy-fueled living and increasing holiness isn’t born out of zero adversity or the start of a new quarter, it comes from the One who was tempted and suffered but never sinned. Yes, we are new creations but our ability to live holy lives is not done in isolation. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit apart from the life source, the vine, so we too cannot bear fruit apart from Christ.

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit from itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” — John 15:4-5

In order for us to abide in Jesus, His Word must abide in us. Jesus says, “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you…” Oh, how many times I’ve felt the pressure to be in God’s Word because I felt like it was something I should do. My motivation for quiet time became an obligation. But Hebrews 4:12 reminds us that the Scriptures are “…living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” In other words, Bible reading isn’t so we can say we read the Bible in a year. It’s not so we can put a check on our reading plan. It’s not even so we feel like we are a “better Christian.” We need God’s Word to rightly understand who He is, who we are, and how we should then live with this knowledge. We don’t live by bread alone but on the very words of God (Mat. 4:4). Scripture is our life source!

Additionally, Scripture continually emphasizes that there are those who distort and twist God’s Word out of selfish ambition and a desire to profit from the poor souls who fall into their deceptive traps. This life-giving book provides us with discernment and protects us from falling into error. Grasping these truths will fuel us to always be on guard while also preparing us to be ready for those who ask for a reason for the hope within us (2 Peter 3:15).

If we love Jesus, we will keep His commands (John 14:15) and He has most certainly revealed His will for us within the pages of Scripture. The beauty of studying it and meditating on it is that the Holy Spirit will illuminate it and help us apply it. Our delight in God leads to right desire and right living.

In Conclusion

We can make all the resolutions in the world but none of them will bring about true, lasting change. No resolution can turn our hearts of stone to a heart of flesh. Salvation is a gift we don’t deserve, can’t earn, but may freely receive if we repent and follow Him.

God offers change through means far greater than resolutions. Of course, not all resolutions are bad but following them religiously places the burden on self and will only leave us frustrated when we fall short of our own standards. We have been given a standard in the Word of God and Jesus is the only One who could fulfill it.

I’ve never been a fan of picking a “word” for the year, but I’ve come to the conclusion that Jesus—the Word who took on flesh and the only way to salvation—is the only “word” I need for this year and every year to come. In Jesus, I live and move and have my being (Acts 16:28). Apart from Jesus, I am nothing (John 15:5.) He gave me salvation, maintains my salvation eternally, and secures my spiritual inheritance so that I can live as God calls me to because of my union with Him. Every resolution finds its solution in Christ!