Three Truths Every Christian Parent Can Cling To
Several years ago, when Ethan was deployed, I made what felt like a daring expedition to our local T.J. Maxx with three children under the age of six. I didn’t walk in expecting peaceful browsing or uninterrupted shopping. I was simply hoping to secure a cart and maybe manage a few productive minutes before things unraveled. It didn’t take long. Someone was tired, someone was loud, someone urgently needed something. They grew fussy, and I grew tense.
In the middle of that chaos, an older woman walked by, smiled knowingly, and said, “Just you wait until they’re teenagers…” I braced myself for encouragement — something like, It’s hard, but it’s worth it. Instead, she finished with, “It gets much worse,” laughed, and walked away. Perhaps she meant to sympathize, but her comment joined the steady stream of warnings I’ve heard over the years about how dreadful the teenage season will be.
This upcoming Summer will mark the end of an era in our home. We will no longer have elementary-aged children. I will be the mom of two teenagers and a tween but I don’t need a birthday to tell me things have shifted. Hormones, personalities, questions, physical growth — change is already here. Can I speak definitively while we are still in the thick of parenting? No, but I can say this: while some days are very difficult, this season has also been deeply rewarding and unexpectedly joyful. That is not because Ethan and I have discovered a secret formula, nor because our children are unusually compliant. It is because God’s design for the family actually works. We may never be able to declare “success” over our children in this lifetime. Salvation belongs to the Lord and their perseverance will be tested when they leave our home and face temptations and trials on their own. Yet Scripture gives parents steady truths that anchor us in every season.
Children Are Bent Towards Foolishness
Proverbs 22:15 tells us, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” Jeremiah 17:9 adds, “The heart is more deceitful than all else, And is desperately sick; Who can know it?” These are not abstract theological ideas; they are realities we witness every day. When a toddler defiantly says “no” or a child protests, “I don’t want to,” we are seeing evidence of the fallen heart. Left to themselves, our children will choose sin—just as we would apart from Christ.
In those moments, it can be tempting as mothers to mirror their anger or frustration, to match emotion with emotion. But we must discipline ourselves first, remembering that their foolish reactions flow from their nature. The theological term for this is total depravity or total inability. Romans makes this plain: all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and no one seeks after God or righteousness on their own.
This means their greatest need is not mere conformity to our expectations but submission to Jesus Christ. External obedience may quiet a home, but only regeneration makes a heart new. Remembering this brings clarity to our parenting and guards us from reacting purely out of emotion. We are not simply correcting behavior; we are addressing souls. Rather than chasing a new parenting style, philosophy, or program, Christian parents must recognize that our children do not merely need better attitudes — they need new hearts. That perspective changes everything and causes us to depend on the Lord, praying and pleading with Him to open their eyes to see their need for Him.
Our Job is to Train Them in Righteousness
My girls recently had Spring soccer tryouts. They love to play, and I genuinely love watching them compete, grow, and push themselves but we always dread tryout day. The rest of the season is more structured but it’s this evening where parents either drop their children off entirely or gather on the far side of the field, while the unchaperoned kids wait for their turn to show their skills to the coaches. This year, I tried to stand close without hovering, careful not to embarrass my daughters, yet mindful that a group of unsupervised kids, nervous energy, and social posturing can quickly become a breeding ground for foolishness. Every year my kids are genuinely shocked by some of the profanity and crude joking they hear. Because we homeschool and intentionally guard what comes into our home—what they watch, what they listen to, what voices shape them—the sudden exposure feels overwhelming.
I recently reminded them, “This is what unrighteousness looks like.” Not in a self-righteous way or condemning way, but in a clarifying way. For kids who have been taught that we don’t use God’s name carelessly, we don’t joke about sexual things, and we don’t use people for our own amusement, that moment was a visible contrast. It was a living illustration of what happens when hearts are left untethered and untrained. Again, folly is bound up in the heart of a child. Scripture tells us that plainly. What they witnessed was evidence of the natural human heart apart from restraint and truth.
Proverbs 22:6 instructs us, “Train up a child according to his way, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This is not a mechanical promise but a guiding principle. We train—we teach, admonish, correct, encourage, and disciple. An unbelieving child is a slave to sin, and so we preach the gospel in our homes. Left to ourselves, our best works are still filthy rags before the Lord (Is. 64:6). We cannot find righteousness within ourselves and we cannot do enough good to clear the guilt and shame we feel when we sin. We need a Savior who will transform us from the inside out.
Matthew Henry wisely comments on Proverbs 22:15 saying:
Train up children in that age of vanity, to keep them from the sins and snares of it, in that learning age, to prepare them for what they are designed for. Catechise them; initiate them; keep them under discipline. Train them as soldiers, who are taught to handle their arms, keep rank, and observe the word of command. Train them up, not in the way they would go (the bias of their corrupt hearts would draw them aside), but in the way they should go, the way in which, if you love them, you would have them go.
We must preach the Gospel to them but we do not manipulate them into professions of faith, nor pressure them into repeating words they do not yet understand. One of the most dangerous things we could do is give them false assurance simply because we want comfort. Instead, we faithfully call them to repent and believe, trusting Christ’s promise in John 6:37: “All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will never cast out.” God will save His elect and so we are training them with the hope and aim of their salvation, but we are also training them in God’s righteous decrees as found in His Word.
The Bible Directs All Our Training
The Bible is the book that ought to shape our lives and, therefore, shape our children’s lives. The best part is that it is full of wisdom for parents. It gives us countless examples of what not to do—showing the dangers of favoritism, ignoring sibling rivalries, or forgetting what the Lord has done. Yet it also provides beautiful examples of faithfulness, like Hannah’s surrender of Samuel, and the steady, fatherly wisdom poured out in Proverbs, as well as numerous positive commands of what we are to do. Deuteronomy 6:4-6:7 reminds parents to teach God’s Word all throughout the day when walking, at dinnertime, in the morning, and at night.
Scripture does not merely inform our parenting; it shapes us into the kind of Christ followers we ought to be so that we can model for our children the very life we are calling them to live. Second Timothy 3:16–17 says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be equipped, having been thoroughly equipped for every good work.” That includes parenting. God has not left us without what we need for day to day living.
Our desire as parents is not primarily that our children receive sports scholarships, get into good colleges, or enter the workforce as well-rounded academics. Those may be good aims, but they are not the ultimate aim. Our goal is that they would be presented to God as faithful workers—thoroughly equipped for the good works He has called them to do. This begins with their salvation and stretches all the way to their glorification.
We only have them for a short season. We are not guaranteed outcomes, but we are given daily opportunities. In their milk-spilled messes, point them to Christ. In their puberty-driven emotions, point them to Christ. In their frustration with friends, point them to Christ. When they miss a goal, burn the cinnamon rolls, or feel frustration over a disappointing grade — point them to Christ.
It is easy to become a helicopter parent, trying to shield our children from every trial, hindrance, or stumbling block. We do have a responsibility not to provoke them or unnecessarily expose them to temptation. But difficulties are often the training grounds for the days ahead. Don’t waste those moments with your own anger, fear, or worry.
Ethan and I still have a long way to go in parenting, and we continue to see blind spots in our children — and in ourselves. I pray for them often… very often. But we have also witnessed real growth and genuine fruit in this stage of parenting. So to the lady at T.J. Maxx: it hasn’t gotten worse. It has become incredibly rewarding and deeply joyful. I write this for the mom who feels weary in doing good. Look to the Lord who entrusted these children to you. Remember that their hearts are bent toward foolishness. And remember that as part of walking worthy of your own calling, you are to trust the Lord, lean on His wisdom rather than the world’s, and faithfully — again and again — point your children to Christ.