3 Habits That Quietly Stunt Spiritual Growth
“No one can be so thoughtless as to suppose that virtue grows of itself in the soul.”
Not too long ago, I would have described myself as someone with a brown thumb. The only plants I could keep alive were succulents. Everything else around me seemed to wither and die. Looking back, I can see that I lacked even a basic understanding of gardening. On top of that, moving from place to place, and from one gardening zone to another, made it even harder to grow in consistency.
I am thankful I did not let those early failures keep me from trying again. I would not call myself an expert gardener now, but I have come a long way. Plant by plant, garden box by garden box, I have slowly built a somewhat thriving home garden. Along the way, I have learned that healthy growth usually comes down to the same few essentials.
We all learned it in elementary science. For a plant to grow strong and healthy, it needs the basics: good soil, light, water, and nutrients. Remove even one of those, and the effects show up quickly. Without light, a plant becomes pale and spindly, stretching toward the nearest window, reaching for what it lacks. Without rich, nourishing soil, the roots cannot anchor deeply, and the plant lacks what it needs to bear fruit. It may survive for a while, but it will not thrive. It certainly will not grow into the fullness of what it was designed to be.
The same is true in our spiritual lives.
There are basic means God uses to nourish, grow, and sanctify His people. When we neglect them, we may still appear to be doing fine for a time, but beneath the surface our roots are weak and our maturity is stunted. And that weakness rarely stays private. In time, it affects the very church body to which we are covenanted. Hebrews 5:13–14 describes this kind of immaturity with sobering clarity: “For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern both good and evil.” We are not called to shallow faith, but to deep-rooted maturity.
Here are three habits that can quietly stunt your spiritual growth, and perhaps help you notice where your own heart may need a little tending.
1. Neglecting Scripture
I grew up in a Christian home with an understanding that Bible reading mattered, but I did not really understand how to read it. Our local church did not equip us to see why a literal, grammatical, historical hermeneutic is essential for understanding Scripture rightly. I remember walking through a Christian bookstore, excited to buy a beautiful new Bible, but the novelty only lasted so long. Scripture felt complicated, and if I am honest, it did not seem especially relevant to everyday life. It was not until my college years that I began to deepen my appreciation for the value of Scripture in the life of a believer, though the habit of careful study would still take years to develop.
When we neglect Bible reading, we neglect communion with God Himself.
Yes, God has spoken through general revelation. His creation, and even our consciences, testify that He exists, but general revelation does not tell us how we can be made right with Him (Rom. 1:19–20). God also speaks through special revelation. Just as He spoke creation into existence by the power of His Word, so He now speaks to us through Scripture, revealing who He is, how the world came into existence, why we are here, how the relationship between mankind and God was broken, how that relationship can be restored, and where those who follow or reject Him are headed in the days to come (Heb. 1:1–2; 11:3). It is through the Word of God that we come to understand our sin separates us from a holy God, and that through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ, sinners can be forgiven and saved.
The Bible is not merely a collection of moral stories. It is the unfolding revelation of God’s redemptive plan in history. To set it aside is to set wisdom aside.
Proverbs 1:20–25 personifies wisdom and gives us a sobering picture of those who neglect her:
Wisdom shouts in the street,
She gives forth her voice in the square;
At the head of the noisy streets she calls out;
At the entrance of the gates in the city she utters her sayings:
“How long, O simple ones, will you love simplicity?
And scoffers delight in scoffing
And fools hate knowledge?
Turn to my reproof,
Behold, I will pour out my spirit on you;
I will make my words known to you.”
The passage continues, and Wisdom describes the disaster, distress, and anguish that come upon those who refuse her counsel and reject her reproof. Ultimately, their end is destruction. How many hardships, temptations, and unnecessary sorrows might we be spared if we simply practiced what Scripture calls us to do? Do we truly believe God’s Word is true? Do we really believe that within its pages lies true blessedness?
Of course, simply reading the Bible is not the same as meditating on it. To meditate on Scripture is to linger over what it says, to consider it, ask questions of it, and fix our minds on its truths. As we chew on its words, its sweetness becomes more evident and its truths grow more alive. To read the Bible without meditating on it is like planting seeds and never watering them. But when we delight in God’s Word and allow it to penetrate our hearts and minds, our roots grow deeper and spiritual fruit begins to appear.
To neglect God’s Word is also to make ourselves ignorant of what He calls good and evil. We need its truth to understand the world around us rightly. Apart from it, our understanding of life, trials, and major decisions becomes skewed. When we neglect Scripture, the voices around us, especially the culture and its ever-changing opinions, grow louder, clouding our judgment as we navigate difficult decisions, care for our families, and think through nearly every issue.
Scripture is living and active, and through it we are confronted in our sin. Neglecting God’s Word is like refusing to look in a mirror. Most people do not begin the day without glancing in the mirror to check their appearance. Scripture does something deeper. It reveals the true condition of our hearts and motives. And if you need another picture, Psalm 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” We need the light of Scripture to guide our steps each day. Let us not walk blindly through the unstable terrain of our culture without the guide God has graciously given us.
If you have fallen out of the habit of reading Scripture, the answer is not complicated. Open it and begin. Read for ten minutes before reaching for your phone in the morning. Listen to an audio Bible while you sit in the school pickup line or drive to work. Write a verse on a notecard and carry it with you, reading and meditating on it while you stand in the checkout line or curl your hair in the bathroom. As you go about your day, think about the verses you read earlier in the morning. Scripture can accompany you wherever you are!
2. Neglecting Prayer
To be honest, prayer has always been a weakness of mine. I’ve always said prayers, of course, but I found that my prayer life often rose and fell with my schedule and circumstances. It would greatly increase during Ethan’s deployments, but if life became busy, Bible reading would usually remain a priority while prayer slipped into the background. I know I am not the only one who has felt this imbalance.
People often seem to lean one way or the other. Some are prayer warriors, while others are faithful students of the Bible. But God has not called us to choose between the two. Our Bible reading and meditation should fuel our prayer life, and our prayer life should be shaped by our Bible reading. To separate the two is harmful to spiritual growth.
John Calvin wrote, “Prayer is the chief exercise of faith” (Institutes of the Christian Religion, III.20.1). He argues that faith cannot exist in living form without it. In other words, our faith is displayed when we pray. Prayer reveals our dependence upon God. Unlike many Christian duties that are more visible or public, prayer is often hidden and unseen. It requires self-discipline, humility, and true devotion to the Lord.
Through prayer we praise God for who He is, thank Him for His many blessings, make our requests known to Him, plead with the One who rules over all things, and rehearse His promises back to Him. Perhaps our lack of prayer often reveals how small our faith is, but even then we may plead with Him to help us in our weakness.
That is exactly what I did last summer when I reached out to an older woman I know who has a vibrant prayer life. We met together a few times, and she shared how her prayer life had grown over the years. But what I remember most was when she simply asked me to pray with her. I felt intimidated, and she noticed my hesitation. With kindness, she told me I needed to stop taking myself so seriously. Sometimes, in our Christian walk, we can become so regimented, legalistic, or stiff that we forget to enjoy God. She reminded me that there is joy in the Lord and that communion with Him through prayer is a gift.
That simple moment stayed with me.
Since then, I have tried to strengthen that weak muscle. Over the months, I have prayed in my garden, in the car, before bed, with my children, with ladies at church, and wherever I can. To neglect prayer is to miss these opportunities to bring our requests to the Lord, spend time with Him, and enjoy His presence.
Philippians 4:6–7 says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” When we neglect prayer, we refuse to exchange our anxiety for God’s peace. We forfeit the comfort of crying out to our Father who hears us. Ephesians 6:18 reminds believers that we are to be “praying at all times with all prayer and petition in the Spirit, and to this end, being on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints.” When we neglect prayer, we fail to intercede for our brothers and sisters who desperately need it. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to “pray without ceasing,” and when we neglect prayer, we are simply being disobedient to the Lord’s command.
Becoming a person a prayer isn’t a gift for some and not others. It is a Christian discipline. If we want to grow in maturity, prayer must become a priority throughout the day. Charles Spurgeon once said, “If I feel myself disinclined to pray, then is the time when I need to pray more than ever.” If prayer has been neglected in your life, stop and pray. Ask God for help. It really is that simple.
3. Neglecting the Local Church
This is a subject I have grown especially passionate about since becoming a pastor’s wife. I have been a member of a local church wherever I have lived for as long as I can remember. My family raised me in a home where church was a priority, but it was not until becoming a pastor’s wife that I gained an entirely different perspective. I have had the privilege of watching families up close and seeing both young and old grow in their walk with God.
At the same time, I remember seasons when, as an ordinary church member, my absence did not seem especially noticeable. There were Sundays I simply did not feel like going. As a high school student, I occasionally found excuses to skip so I could sleep in and enjoy a lazy Sunday. Is church attendance really necessary for spiritual growth? Is Bible reading and prayer not enough?
Scripture speaks to this. Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.”
To neglect the local church is to neglect the preaching of the Word, the ordinances, fellowship, the opportunity to use your spiritual gifts, and the call to practice the “one another’s”. Our Americanized, consumeristic culture often treats church like a place to walk in, receive encouragement, and leave whenever we feel like it. But the biblical vision of the local church is far richer than that.
John MacArthur addresses this well in his booklet Your Local Church and Why It Matters, where he explains that becoming a Christian means entering into fellowship with other believers through the corporate gathering. He writes":
“How can the people of God ‘stimulate one another to love and good deeds’ if they aren’t regularly meeting together? It can’t happen. Forsaking the consistent fellowship of other believers cuts you off from a key, God-ordained source of biblical instruction, refining accountability, and spiritual growth (cf. Proverbs 27:17).”
Proverbs 18:1 says, “He who separates himself seeks his own desire, He breaks out in dispute against all sound wisdom.” Another word for separates is isolates. The one who isolates himself from Christian community, from the local church God Himself designed for His people, foolishly cuts himself off from one of God’s ordained means of sanctification. Bible reading and meditation are for our sanctification. Prayer is for our sanctification. And yes, the local church is one of the primary ways God sanctifies His people.
MacArthur also makes a needed observation about the way many Christians have separated personal faith from corporate worship (emphasis mine):
Tragically, that conviction has been lost in recent years. Contemporary evangelicalism emphasizes the believer’s personal relationship with Christ. Individual faith is the pervasive theme, and rarely is there any discussion of how believers are supposed to fit and function in the church.
When was the last time you read a tract or heard a gospel presentation that ends with a discussion of the believer’s relationship to the church? At best, there is a very low emphasis on church involvement, church membership, and being a part of the family of God in the visible, gathered household of saints.
And in the massive effort to make salvation personal, the church has been overlooked to the detriment of many souls. Too many people today tend to be ecclesiastical consumers. They are only interested in what they can get out of their church, and they bounce from congregation to congregation as their whims and interests change. They do not have any particular commitment or loyalty to a specific body of believers.
In fact, they have little to no attachment to the church at all. They are under no obligation for regular attendance. If they make it, they make it. If not, it is no big deal.
For people like that, faith is solely defined by a personal relationship with Christ. They have no corporate commitment or responsibility to the people of God. It is a skewed, imbalanced, and unbiblical pseudo-Christianity that exists completely outside of and apart from the Body of Christ.
Some may hear this and think it sounds legalistic, so let me be clear: Church attendance does not save you, nor does it earn you favor with the Lord. And there are many faithful attenders who are physically present while remaining inwardly cold or rebellious. Simply placing your feet inside a church building gains you nothing but the posture of your heart as you gather with the saints before God matters. From Sunday School or small group fellowship, to singing, praying, and hearing the Word preached, and even into midweek studies or fellowship, all of it reflects the pattern we see in Acts 2:42: “And they were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to the prayers.”
Some may say I am biased because I am a pastor’s wife. Perhaps so. But long before Ethan entered ministry, I learned just how much I needed the local church. As a young military wife raising three small children without family nearby, and with my husband deployed halfway across the world, church became one of God’s kind means of sustaining me. I remember one season in particular when Ethan deployed while I was home with three children under six. Cora was still a newborn, winter had settled in, and there were many Sundays when staying home would have seemed reasonable. But his absence did not lessen our need for the body of Christ. If anything, it only made that need more clear. So we went. Not because I was especially strong or spiritual, but because I knew we needed the encouragement, support, and grace God so often provides through His people. And let me tell you, God used that local church body to care for me, strengthen me, and bless me, and in His kindness, He also used me to bless and serve that body as well.
One of the greatest lies we can believe is that our local church absence only affects us. It does not.
Our children notice. If we are called to raise them in the Lord, then we ought to practice what we preach. How can we expect our children to be disciplined in the things of God if we ourselves are not disciplined in those same things? And in many cases, our neighbors notice too. If we have spoken of Christ, yet our lives show little devotion to His people, that inconsistency does not go unseen.
Verse 27 reminds us, “Now you are Christ’s body, and individually members of it.” Much of the American church has failed to recognize that our union with Christ is inseparably connected to our union with His people. He did not die merely to save isolated individuals, but to redeem for Himself a bride: the church. And if we love Him, we ought to love the people He loves and gladly desire to be with them.
At the same time, it must be said that some churches have manipulated people through guilt, and others have burdened members with so much activity and service that they are physically present but spiritually malnourished. This is why it is so important not merely to attend a church, but to belong to a sound church, one that actually preaches and teaches the Bible. (Let us not forget that part of being in the Word also includes sitting under the authority of Scripture as it is heralded by the pastor God has called to shepherd you and your family.) Not all churches are equal. Many call themselves churches while disregarding God’s Word in practice, offering motivational talks but doing little to shepherd souls. I am speaking of a healthy church that sincerely seeks to obey Scripture in all things. That is something we cannot afford to neglect.
If you have found yourself struggling to make it to church, confess that to the Lord and then ask someone you trust to help hold you accountable. Shift your mindset as you plan your month, and let Sundays, and possibly Wednesdays (if your church has a midweek gathering) become non-negotiables in your mind. Plan your calendar around your church family’s calendar, and in doing so teach your family that they are part of something bigger than themselves.
A Final Word
At the heart of all this neglect is disobedience. John 14:15 says, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.” Our Bible reading, prayer, and church attendance should flow from a heart that loves God. And even as I write that, I know that neglect often reveals a drifting love. If that is where you find yourself, you are not alone. There are seasons of drought in the Christian life that each of us will face. But those are often the very times when we most need to open our Bibles, pray, and step into the fellowship of the local church.
We will not live the Christian life perfectly, but we should be quick to confess our sin and take practical steps to break sinful habits. We do not continue in sin so that grace may abound. Rather, we ask the Lord to help us in our unbelief, laziness, apathy, and weakness.
If your spiritual garden has been neglected, if it needs pruning, or if growth has been stunted, do not lose heart. The gospel reminds us that even in our sin, Christ loved us. He has forgiven us, and He has sealed us with His Spirit, who equips us to obey what He has commanded. Confess your apathy to the Lord, and where needed, to your spouse, your children, or trusted friends. Ask for help, and then keep going.
The Word, prayer, and the local church are gracious gifts God has given to His people. They are not isolated disciplines, but interconnected means He uses to grow and sanctify both us and His church. Give yourself to them, and in time, by His grace, you will see fruit.